I have been thinking about this post for a long time now and I am still stuggling to find the words— you have been in our arms for an entire year!! We anticipated you our entire lives and now you have been living here with us. How special life is with you. How blessed we feel just knowing you are a little warm bodied baby that happens to be ours. Oh Ezra, we love you so! For me becoming a mom has changed every single ounce of me. I hardly even remember myself before you. I know I was much more self focused, even though at the time I felt like I constantly tried to make a conscious effort not to be… but now you come first always and I really, really love that. The transition to loving you was so easy. You made it easy on me. You haven’t been the “easiest” baby by the world standards (you don’t sleep through the night still, you fussed a lot in the early days, etc.) but I really don’t care about those standards at all. All I am really concerned with is you and I think you, my dear, are thriving. I still remember the smell of a newborn in our home like it was yesterday. Last night I picked you up from your crib and rocked you for a long time and held you as close as possible. I breathed in your smell and enjoyed the feel of your very soft baby hair on my cheek. I know these days are fleeting- this first year has flown. It is so true that they say life flies by when you are having fun. We sure do have fun. You are our little joy boy. No doubt about it! You have brought such incredible joy to our lives. You truly are our most precious gift and being with you makes me feel closer to heaven. My heart is so full, so so full but my words are few because the reality is that there really are too many words to type or maybe there really are no words. Your daddy left you a note this morning for me to read to you. I struggled to fight back tears as I read through it and in the end found myself bawling. I wanted to share it here- for you to have always. Happy birthday sweet, sweet boy!
I often thought about what I would write to you on your first birthday. What would you be like? Who would you be? What would you personality be like?
Oh my son. You are so much more than I ever could of imagined on my own. So much more… You have changed me radically. I am so incredibly blessed to be your Father. I want nothing more than to be the best Daddy I can be for you.
Right now it is 7:06 in the morning, and you are jibbering in your crib. ”Uh Oh” means you just put your passy back behind the crib. Yesterday we found 5 back there.
You are just on the verge of walking, and if you’re aren’t paying attention you’ll find yourself just standing there with two toys in your hand. When you notice you’re standing on your own, you’ll plop down on your butt.
You got your second haircut this week, but it still hasn’t come in towards your hairline. So you look like a little mennonite boy. But everyone we meet, strangers, friends, family, everyone says “He is so handsome.” You are a beautiful little boy…
Everyone also thinks you look like me (unrelated to the handsome comments). “He looks just like Daddy.” This makes me so proud. You have my skin, eyes, and lips.
I’m telling you these little things so I don’t forget. They are so precious to me now, like little jewels that I don’t want to forget. These little moments and nuances are what bring me so much joy.
When you reach up to me from your crib .When I come in when you’re crying. When you reach up to me from behind the baby gate. When you smile ear to ear. When you giggle when I tickle your toes, or get tossed up in the air. The way you love to push your little fire truck around, into walls, then ride it backwards the other direction, hopping the whole way. The way you make your little howling noise “ooooo”. The way you love to snuggle on your little blanket when you are sleeping with your butt two feet in the air.
You are so busy Ezra….So busy…But so Happy and engaging. This is what we’ve prayed for since we knew you were coming. That you would be a bright shining light to everyone you would come in contact with. AND YOU HAVE! We call you our little joy boy… (we also call you…Neptune, Nebulizer, Nebulus Cloud, Neptune Nebulizer Christy Cruz, Ez, Ebby, Eberly, Ez Cruz, Cruzy Baby, etc).
Your Mommy Ezra…Is A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. She spends the entire day with you, and you two have so much fun together. You make noises, you giggle, you read together, go to the library, pool, and workout. She always makes sure you have friends to come over and play with. You bring so much joy to each other. You’ve given her so so so much joy, Ezra. She is such good Mommy. There is no doubt that you are her number one priority throughout the day. She is always researching what’s best for you…Diapers, strollers, toys, lotions, mommy and me classes, etc…She is always thinking and looking for fun things to do with you, to entertain you, to make you happy, and to make you grow…She has sacrificed, and continues to sacrifice daily so much for you. She stays up till one in the morning to edit pictures so that she can spend every minute being with you when you’re awake. She cleans the house while you nap, and takes you with her on errands so that she doesn’t miss a second! Oh my Ezra…. I love that lady so much.
Gratitude Ezra. Gratefulness. Joy. Excitement. This is what we feel when we’re around you. So much joy and thankfulness. You’ve have been born into a home where God paved the way for you to be loved. Your older siblings (in heaven) paved that way for you. They laid the groundwork in your Mommy and my hearts, to appreciate you and care for you. They made our hearts bigger to love you more.
Maybe in all of that jibber jabbering you do now, you’re talking to them. Telling them “thank you”. Telling them how much you wish they were here playing with your fire truck and giant bouncy ball. Maybe you’re telling them you wish they were here, and that Daddy and Mommy miss them sooo much, and wish they were here to. Tell them that for me Ezra. Tell them our hearts hurt to not have them in our arms. To not rock them to sleep when they cry. To not hold them tight when they are scared. To not have their tiny fingers wrap around ours. To not see first steps, spit ups, diaper changes, and blow outs. Giggles, cries, coughs, and sneezes. I know you can hear them. I know you can talk to them…Tell Jesus Thank you… Tell him that if it wasn’t for him there wouldn’t be you…If there wasn’t you…There wouldn’t be me. There wouldn’t be Mommy. You made us who we are today, Son. I told you a year ago that you were my Super Hero, because you saved me, and you’ve done it every day since then my son….Thank you for being you…
We love that our family photo looks like this!
Happy birthday!! You can watch his video from his birth day here